My Mood

My mood for the day when I woke up was pretty typical for the week. If I had to rate it from a 1-10, 10 rating the best, I’d start at a 6. I started out the day with a negative thought about the past. I was quick enough to realize my thought turned negative, so I turned on my meditation music to mellow my mind out. I ended up sitting in my bed for 15 minutes, not even realizing how much time had passed by. When I finally got out of bed, I went downstairs to see what was for breakfast, nothing made. My sister and Mom were heading to farmers market to get flowers. They told me I could make my own food, so I did no big deal. After they left my sister called the home phone. I knew she was calling for my mom. I already knew what she was going to ask but thought better of it to just answer the questions and not spend my time getting mad. She asked if they we were coming to her house to help her set up for her soccer party on saturday. I didn’t really want to go, so I politely declined. As I hung up the phone I felt pretty good that I didn’t get mad for no reason. Then I preceded to make dipping eggs. I’m getting pretty good at cooking them over easy, just the way I like them. After I ate, I went upstairs contemplating what to do. I didn’t really have any plans for the day. My friends were going to East Lansing to drink. I didn’t want to attend because I went last week and I was only one day away from a complete month of sobriety. That sense of accomplishment was coming my way and I didn’t want to lose it. When I went upstairs, I went on my computer to check my email. I saw that Best Buy had emailed. I had a feeling that they declined my job application. That ended up being the case but I didn’t let that bother me. I thought to myself, oh well their loss. After that I went on twitter for no reason. I should probably get rid of it again or just limit myself to two times a day for viewing. So there I sat sitting in my bed again my mind wandering and trying to control my thoughts. I caught myself again and told myself that I had to workout. That has been my best friend during the journey I have been on. I always feel better about myself and it takes my mind off things for a while. I went to workout and do my typical routine. Pretty normal day, not to crowded. I always look to say hi to Danielle, the lady that showed me around to lifetime before I signed up a couple weeks ago. She is pretty cool and funny. I am way out of my her league though. After I worked out, I decided not to get a haircut and just go straight home. I haven’t been able to make a decision on my haircut because I want to try something new. So, I adopted the I don’t give a frick attitude and let the luscious red hair flock as it may for the time being. When I got home everyone was gone and my Dad was upstairs sleeping. So I lingered in the family room for a couple hours just sitting there trying to keep positive thoughts. I thought about my ex a lot and that tends to make me get down on myself. Now that I know I am being negative, I yell at myself to stop and that seems to work. The rest of the day was blah, so hopefully tomorrow I will make it better.


I’ll Miss Standing out in a Crowd

 You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most?

I’d miss the daily interactions with people the most. People have always fascinated me. Growing up as a person with red hair, I have gotten all kind of looks and names from every kind of person. I have been called Ginger, fire crotch, red, carrot top, FedEx and the devil. As much as I dislike it, I try and use it as a positive to judge the character of a person I meet. How long will it take them to call me a ginger or make a comment about my red hair. People don’t realize how much it can affect someone. It really is a good testament to their character, may not being the only way to tell if they are a genuine person but is significant in my life. When it happens everyday. I have only recently tried to make my red hair a positive part in my life because there is nothing I can do to change it.So I mine as well own it. I have had little kids at stores be scared of me or look at my red in shock and awe because I stand out in the crowd. I know it makes me unique to everyone else and haters are just gonna hate. So I guess I will miss being called a Ginger. I’m getting back to realize maybe I was given this Red hair to stand out.

“We spend our whole lives trying to fit in when we were born to stand out”-IDK I’ve heard it  somewhere before.

We were all put on this World at a different time, place, with different attributes. Thats what makes it so awesome. We were all meant to make a different mark. Mine just might have some shades of red to go along with it.

Quiet Room

Breathing Room

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

If the room magically appeared overnight I would hope it is sound proof. The three items I’d want in the room would be a memory foam bed/mattress, a blacklight that would illuminate the whole room, and a ball. I would use the room to get away from the world. It would let me take a step back and reflect on my thoughts. Memory foam beds are super comfortable, so that would definitely settle me down while i meditate. I could throw the ball against the wall so I would have a distraction to stop my thoughts from wondering. I like the way blacklight’s can change the atmopshere of a room. My room in college had blacklights and I always felt at peace and cool when I had them on. We are always trying to do so much in a day that we don’t give ourselves a rest. It would be my area to take a chill pill

Topless Container

Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?

Emotions have a funny way of making us react to situations based off of our first instinct. Some of us choose to let that first instinct take control because it seems normal. Some of us choose to keep them all bottled up inside scared to let the world see how we react to life. I have had the fortunate opportunity to experience both sides of reacting to my emotions. In my experience fear would take the lead in having the greatest power over me. I have let fear take over for a little allowing it to cloud my thoughts and judgement. Shoot I have fear right now wondering how people would react to my blog. Two months ago I would have never wrote a blog, let alone talk about myself and my problems. See I am more of a people pleaser. I gain joy through seeing other people smile. I may have lost that when I stop taking care of myself.  But just like the first step in anything we do, we must first be able to recognize what we are doing. To step back and identify our emotions may make our problems a little bigger. Sometimes to solve a problem you have to make it larger so you can divide it up into smaller attainable steps to not overwhelm yourself. My biggest problem with fear stopped me from showing people for who I really am. Now that I recognize it though, I can take off the top of my container and let it fill with things that I have a bit of control over.

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Patron Saint of Ideals

writing101 In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.

What are ideals without the realization that they will always be just out of reach? To be honored with the Patron Saint of Ideals, would be one of the the highest honors. In no way am I a perfect person, but that does not make me a bad person. No one in this world makes the right decision every single time throughout the day. Think about it, we make thousands of decisions every day, sometimes without even realizing we have made a choice. No person on the Earth can be perfect or life would be just boring. In realizing that perfection will never be attained, we can still strive to improve ourselves everyday. We should never compare ourselves to people, but instead work on improving our past selves. It takes a lot of power to accept the fact that you are perfectly imperfect. Being cognizant enough to realize your faults and errors to better yourself all the time takes a lot of effort. The greatest people realize when they have made a mistake and are man/woman enough to access the problem. Then they take a step back to think of a solution so they can get onto polishing another skill than needs tendering too. Practicing all of the little things in life and remember what’s important to you. We often get caught up in society thinking that we need perfect in everything we do.We try to get everything accomplished in a small amount of time and wearing ourselves out in the process. As a result, we end up overestimating what we can do in a day and underestimating what we can do in a year.

As a saint of Ideals, I would hope people would see me as a perfect example of how an imperfect man worked for gold, when only silver existed. I would want them to see that I stand for something bigger than myself. I had a meaning of life class last year at MSU and my professor told my class a story. It was about a man who got told by the gods to roll a stone up to the top of the hill, only to have it roll back down the hill. Then to repeat that all the time for the rest of his life. Who in their right mind would agree to such a thing. The man looked at them and just rolled the stone up the hill. He accepted the challenge and made his life something other than himself. When you can work on improving yourself you give yourself the power to help others. That indeed is the greatest satisfaction of life. Never stop working because there is always work to be done. Don’t be satisfied with average because the in reality only makes life boring.